Don't Forget Them Earplugs

The expert gunslingers always say, "Bring earplugs to a gunfight." I say, "Bring earplugs to a pep rally."

Pep rallies are really loud. Apparently, whoever controls to volume on the huge speakers in our school gym must have bad hearing because they turn it up WAY too loud.

But that's not all. You might think normal voices are loud, but you haven't heard anything yet, possibly because your hearing is already damaged.

Our pep squad seems to enjoy dancing to very bizarre music. Unfortunately, the music also has very bizarre sound effects, such as screeches, squeals, and all the other acoustic concoctions only a computer would know how to make. The song may once upon a time have sounded pleasant, but after taking steroids raising them to a seat thumping loudness, they begin to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher.

Our varsity percussion also likes loud noises. One drum is bad enough. Two drums are worse. Two drums and a base drum are really, really bad. TEN drums and TWO BASE drums are a recipe for major hearing loss. Not to mention the fact that they also have aforementioned artificial computer sounds generated by a stupid Macbook and about ten of those suspended of cymbal things.*

Pep band is the worse. Not only do they play the same music over and over, but they enjoy playing right next to the door you exit out of and have no regard for your audio safety. You can't even hear yourself. This is why we should a pep orchestra, not a pep band. At least it's not the entire bloody band itself.

And they said listening to music on portable music players was bad for your ears. Hypocrites.

*And never, ever, underestimate the loudness of a xylophone. They might not look like much, but they pack a big punch, especially in large numbers.