System Error

This is most disturbing news. So we got a new computer, right? Only the computer went to my brother. My little brother. I believed that this was blasphemy, so I proceeded to initiate Plan A - convince my parents that I should get the laptop.

The reasons ranged from needing the processing speed to photoshop some of our less glamorous pictures from Canada, the post of which I must still complete to being able to compile tiny Java source codes two milliseconds faster for school. My current computer has a history of crashing - just because it isn't screwed up right now doesn't mean it won't crash again. And since I'm taking a computer programming class - I can't afford to let it crash.

I can use the computer to its fullest potential - believe me, I will.

My brother will more likely get a virus on his computer.

Also, I'm the older brother. I should get the best things first. Some people may argue against that, but hey, that age old tradition (why break it?) works out for me. You're not supposed to die faster for nothing, right?

Then I tried working on pity. I told my mom, "You kept emailing me about whether we should get this or get that ... you lead me to believe that I was going to get the computer, but you let me down. *tear." "And I'm also feeling discouraged right now." (She said she got it for him to 'encourage him'.)

Righteousness. Everything my brother uses is mine. MINE MINE MINE. All his games, all his limited computer skills - MINE! And he doesn't think he owes me a thing! I may be selfish, but that's natural. Ingrates should not be rewarded!


But despite a compilation that would have done a Speech and Debater proud, still no go. Time for Plan B - a little exercise in economy.

So I decided to withhold until further notice all my software. At first, that thankless wench wouldn't even let me uninstall MY software. But he changed his mind after a short lesson in one-sided wrestling, if you know what I mean. But dang, his teeth were getting a bit long. I think he needs to cut them.

That's not even the end of it, though. As soon as I uninstalled the things, the persona non grata takes the new laptop and downloads a game I just installed from the Internet. I knew I should I have neutralized that threat, first. What an ass. Knowledge apparently is power.

So feel free to judge me, but first ask yourself if you can resist new technology. I sure as heck can't, and my conscience ain't telling me a thing. Tips on how to get what ought to be mine back will be appreciated.

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Empathy or sympathy? Go over to Humor-blogs.

Moral Meat Eating

Why is it considered so bad to eat meat, health concerns aside?

Do people consider it cruel? Welcome to my world, a rather cruel one. That'll be a $50 entrance fee by the way. Animals die everyday because of the forests you clear to grow your soybeans. The plants make themselves food, the animals eat the food, and we eat the animals. We should consider ourselves lucky to be at the top of the food pyramid. I wouldn't want to be a cow in another world. My world is also a Darwinist one, among other things, and it's survival of the fittest, and as the fattest, I say we deserve to eat meat. In fact, it was eating meat that allowed us to first develop our abnormally large heads and meet that sometimes annoying speaker named Jiminy Cricket that says killing animals is bad.

Are you not being cruel to plants? Just because plants don't have that bundle of neurons that some of us know as a brain doesn't mean they're not sensitive to pain. When you continuously clip a plant, does it not grow in the other direction? Does its crunchy cry of death not make you think twice about eating it? The plants are still photosynthesizing when you mercilessly pull them by their roots out of the ground. Do weeds, as annoying as they are, not deserve to live among side your precious vegetables? This is a case of irrationality and human bias. Because plants are not warm and fuzzy and do not look cute, people do not have qualms about killing them.

So we have animal farms that take productivity a little too far. What about your plant farms? I'm sure plants don't like it when they're jammed together side by side in neat little rows and genetically modified and then sprayed with chemicals. Nor do they like roasting inside one of your greenhouses. When they're all nice and fattened, a big machine comes and violently rakes them out of the ground, after which they're sent to big factories where they're sliced and diced and made into chop suey.

If we didn't eat the animals, then they would multiply unchecked and upset the natural balance of things. Imagine all that bovine feces and flatulence we would have to face if cows were allowed to run rampant. Then they would eat all your plants and then where would you be? Resist the temptation ... resist it ... hah! Guess you're just going have to learn how to chug down some bloody protein.

So all you vegans out there: shut up about animal cruelty and go find some piece of green in the dirt to chew on. More meat for the rest of us.