Fineritis

Shortly after being diagnosed with Selective Memory Loss, I discovered I had fineritis.

What is Fineritis?
Fineritis (fin-ne-RY-tis) is a disease related to senioritis. It's nomenclature includes the Greek root fin, which means end. Accordingly, fineritis a condition that afflicts people towards the end of things, such as the end of a school year, causing them to be rather lazy and carefree. Although not as serious as senioritis, fineritis can still be quite hazardous to one's grade, especially before the finals.

What Causes Fineritis?
The causes of fineritis is psychological. There are neurologicists out there trying to delve deeper into the mystery of fineritis, but upon nearing the completion of their research, have acquired the disease itself and now feel a disinclination to publish their studies. Although fineritis can occur at anytime of the year and for any number of reasons, there seems to be some kind of change right around the first half of June that creates a sudden burst of fineritis cases. Fineritis is highly contagious, but for it's benigness the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has yet to issue orders for quarantine of fineritis victims.

Symptoms & Diagnosis
The first signs of fineritis are very hard to detect as it is just being a little more lazy than usual. Then it develops into a feeling of being jaded, and finally a very high unwillingness to do anything at all. Fineritis reaches its worst stage when the procrastination takes up more than 50% of work time.

Fineritis, like Selective Memory Loss, can be treated by consumption of meat and by staying away from foods containing soy. Comfort foods such as ice cream and chocolate will help as well. Self-discipline is also effective.

Prognosis
Fineritis is nonlethal, and when the factor inducing fineritis has passed, then the symptoms will fade.

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Selective Memory Loss

Many people claim they suffer from Short Term Memory Loss, which is rather hard to cure. One of the few known effective methods is to hang out with a small, orange and white fish known as Nemo and repeating, "P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!". However, one cannot spend their entire life living in an anem-anem-anemenemone, nor are there enough Nemo's to help everyone suffering from Short Term Memory Loss.

Once upon a time, my teachers believed I suffered from Short Term Memory Loss. But thanks to a recent self-diagnostic, I discovered that I suffer from Selective Memory Loss.

What is Selective Memory Loss?
Selective Memory Loss (SML) is type of memory loss. However, the only memories the afflicted person loses are the one he or she chooses to forget.

Causes
No one is really sure what causes Selective Memory Loss, although we do know that SML afflicts both the right and left temporal lobes of the brain, creating a manner that bears resemblance to a smiley face, as depicted by the electroencephalogram below.



Studies have shown that SML is spontaneous and that every person is capable of developing SML, although lazy people are more prone to it than others. SML is not contagious. SML cannot be transmitted through bodily contact, contact with fluids from an SML afflicted person, or even sexual intercourse. However, conversations about the disorder can induce SML with those involved. In fact, by reading this article, it is quite possible that you will suddenly discover that you have the disorder yourself.

Symptoms
The symptoms of Selective Memory Loss cannot be easily seen from the outside, unlike Short Term Memory Loss. A person with Short Term Memory Loss will suddenly turn around and go, "Who are you? Why are you stalking me?". However, someone with SML is much more subtle.

To find out whether or not you have Selective Memory Loss, try to remember something you don't want to remember. If you can remember it, then you do not have SML. However, it is quite hard to do this self-test mentally, because in order to ask yourself, you must somehow remember the event and figure out if you remember it, but if you know the event you don't want to know, then you don't have it. It is quite paradoxical. It is therefore recommended to have a list of forgotten events handy.

Is Selective Memory Loss bad? How will it affect me?
Unlike Short Term Meomry Loss, SML is not necessarily a bad gift to have. It is quite useful as an excuse for students who make mistakes more than once. All one with SML needs to say is, "I'm sorry, but I have SML. Apparently, I seemed to have forgotten that I made a mistake before, so it's technically only my first time making the mistake. It won't happen again, I promise" - and then promptly forgot that they made that promised. But, who can blame them? It's not their fault they have SML.

SML can also keep a person happy, as all the down sides of life can be forgotten.

However, SML can be used for malevolent purposes. A liar can simply forget that he is lying, and therefore will only be able to express genuine disbelief if their construed lie catches up to them.

Diagnosis & Treatment
There is no known cure for Selective Memory Loss. However, a simple will to remember everything will be enough to negate the effects of it. Clinical studies have also shown that eating meat and avoiding soy products may help.

Prognosis
Selective Memory Loss is not a terminal disease. However, if one chooses to forget life saving information, such as looking both ways when crossing the street, or never to eat a Mentos and drink Coke at the same time, then Selective Memory Loss could quite possibly be indirectly lethal.

NOTE: The type of Selective Memory Loss is solely the product of the imagination of the author and is not related to other forms of SML in any way whatsoever. All information regarding SML may retain certain shreds of truth, but is entirely fictional. Moufflets is not responsible for any action taken as a result of this post.

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Listening to Yourself

If you have ever heard yourself on a recording or video? Don't you think you sound different from the normal you? If, so you're not alone.

To understand this interesting phenomenon, you must first understand the science of making noises.

To speak, your body's vocal cords produce vibrations. The vibrations are transmitted through the air, and when they reach a person's ears, they interpret as sound. Your ears also pick up those vibrations, as well as the vibrations of your body, since your body is attached to the vocal cords. This addition of audio stimuli changes your perspective on hearing.

For musicians out there, think of a tuning fork. If you place the tuning fork on a violin, or anything hollow for that matter, the violin begins to emit a sound. This is because the vibrations are being picked up by the instrument, which begins resonating itself. The tuning fork is the equivalent of your vocal cords, where as the violin could be your head. After all, most people in the world are air heads. But for those who actually have a brain, their ears contain several hollows themselves.

So what you hear isn't what others hear when you speak. The recording is right, and you are wrong, whether for better or for worse. If you ask a friend whether or not you sound different, they'll probably say no, and perhaps even turn around and say that they sound different.

That's how good singers are made or broken. When you sing, you tune your voice until you think it's right, but you have to think about what it sounds to others. If they like it, you can now try out for American idol. If not, well, you can always use one of those voice changer gadgets.

So think about it. You're hearing yourself for the first time.

NOTE: This post is not to be considered a tested scientifc theory. It is based on the opinions of severl friends. Moufflets is not responsible for any actions taken on the basis of this post.