Cheesy Romances

Why would anyone want to read a cheesy romance?
They can make you cry and they can make you laugh, but in the end, they are what they are: cheesy.

There is no more a static genre than romances, even compared to non-fiction. In fact, they all have the same contents.

• Boy meets girl.
• Girl meets boy.
• They engage in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

I have listed the three stages of the Archetypal Romance Story. These can be shuffled in any order you like, and 3 x 2 x 1 equals 6. There can only be six unique storylines, yet illogically there are somehow more than six books. Sophie Kinsella (author of the Shopaholic series) herself has written more than six books, as has Nicholas Sparks. Why any decent author would plagiarize, much less copy themselves, is beyond me.

Furthermore, cheesy romances are a threat to society. It is books like these that may turn our world into one avidly described by Ray Bradbury in Fahrenheit 451. We must read books that allow us to think, imagine, and go beyond the limits of reality such as mindless books with Rambo-style action that cause you to unconsciously start making your own sound effects to match the explosions and gunfire tearing the book apart and revel in the unnatural skills that the hero possesses. Unfortunately, the brain washing of romance has already begun. There are no longer any purely action movies. Nearly every movie or story has some kind of relationship in them, ruining everything.

Recommended Unromantic Authors:

• John Ringo
• Matthew Reilly
• Harry Turtledove